


for those you love

by nbsherlock



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Anger, Character Study, Gen, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, this fic isn't apologetic towards sazed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 19:26:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8813230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbsherlock/pseuds/nbsherlock
Summary: they are not your responsibility. you look out for yourself, and those you love. and that is all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> just wrote this lil thing now that i'm caught up. uh. enjoy????

It’s getting hard to look himself in the face. That was never an issue before.

And it’s not the looking that hurts. It’s the knowledge that when he looks in the mirror, he’ll want to look away. He’ll have to look away. It’s like looking into the sun. It’s like your vision whiting out, eyes aching under pressure. Taako holds the bridge of his nose between his fingers and takes a deep, shaking breath.

He has already faced death. He has already looked down one moment and looked back up to find bodies of people who trusted him, ice cold and immobile. The collateral damage of missions he’s been sent on to _save_ lives should not bother him the way they do. He has already faced death. Has already looked it in the face and fled, terrified.  

He looks up from his lap at the umbra staff, discarded on the floor.

“I don’t want it,” he mumbles. “I don’t want any of this anymore.”

He thinks, fleetingly, of the Temporal Chalice’s offer. To do things differently. Even with the knowledge that it wasn’t his fault ( _was it his fault?_ ), it’s still tempting in retrospect. He thinks of all of this, gone. Merle, Magnus. The Bureau.

His mind reminds him, harshly, of Sazed. Of the anger he felt when the 40 deaths slipped off of his shoulders and into a pool around him. The deaths did not belong to him. It was Sazed, then, who had ruined his life. And it was his memory that was ruining it now.

Taako clenches his fist. His vision goes black around the edges.

And then Kravitz is there. He is in his robes. His face is blank.

He says, “Death isn’t all bad, you know.”

Taako feels his face flush.

“I know you weren’t referring to me,” Kravitz stutters. “I just wanted you to know that… where they go, after. It isn’t bad.”

Taako looks down at his hands.

“Lovers who die together remain lovers. Families meet again. You must know…” he pauses and takes a deep breath. “You must know that I would not have taken this job if it was as bad as you are assuming.”

“I’m not assuming anything,” Taako says. He looks up at Kravitz, who is smiling.

“Do you want to know what the 40 people who attended your show are doing now?” Kravitz’s eyes flash.

“Not particularly.”

Kravitz smiles again, softly. “They are not angry with you, Taako. If you die, there will not be a mob waiting for you. Accidents do happen.”

Taako feels his nails bite into his palms. Kravitz places one cold hand over his.

“It wasn’t an accident.”

“Regardless. I know you are not cold-hearted, Taako. Just from the way these lives weigh on you. From the way all lives weigh on you,” Kravitz squeezes his hand. The cold seeps through Taako’s skin and slows his heart rate.  “They are not your responsibility. You look out for yourself, and those you love. And that is all.”

He thinks of Merle, of Magnus. Of Kravitz, the shuddering swing of the umbra staff towards the sky.

For those you love.

Alright, then.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu @ sherifftaako


End file.
